Rock'n'Roll Salvation: excerpt #1

THE TRUTH

I looked forward to the long nights when the conversation lasted well into the morning. What else was there? I lived in Berkeley for a reason, went to North Beach for inspiration. When we put our minds to work a sense of purpose and direction emerged. Trouble was, it always took a lot of beer and booze to get the thing going.

A waitress finally made her way over. Beers all around, all off-brand, each order different from the other. Doug and I ordered shots of Jim Beam. Polanski waved us off, but Doug ordered one for him anyway.

We talked about music. We always talked about music. Music, Tower Records, and Blake’s brought us all together until we became friends, lovers, and mattered to each other. We continuously changed apartments, and moved our round table from bar to bar. I didn’t really know how the others felt because we never acknowledged it, but I loved these people. I loved the life, the lights, and the beer...

“Hell yeah—send lawyers, guns and money, the shit has hit the fan!” Doug exclaimed. “Violence is reality.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” I offered quietly, sternly. That killed the conversation for a moment.

I tried to fight off my feelings, but it was hard to swallow the way we completely ignored Christianity in our conversations. I was afraid to bring it up because I knew Doug would ridicule me, and in turn I was ashamed of myself. I took a long swig of beer and looked over at Polanski.

He was staring at his glass when he started talking again. “I haven’t figured out what the truth is, but I feel like I’m getting closer sometimes.”

“So do I,” I said. I wanted Polanski to know that I was on his level, even though I didn’t really think I was--yet. He was better at expressing his thoughts and he read heavier stuff.
Part of me wanted him to point me in the right direction. “But I get scared when I think I’m close.”

“You guys, and your truth! Lighten up.” Doug shrugged and grinned.

“Look, if you don’t have some truth, you don’t have anything. You have to keep after it. You usually find some absurdity at the core, but you turn back and start over again. You take what you’ve learned and hold on to it. You keep going. Eventually you find the truth.”

“Exactly.” I nodded my head with a sense of knowing and purpose. We were getting somewhere. We were on the verge defining our lives.

“So what happens when you find your truth?” There was a hint of respect in Doug’s voice now.

“You become a disciple.”

“A disciple?” Doug snapped back to reality. “You’re joking.”

“A disciple.”

My mind spun fast. My momentary sense of comfort and purpose quickly vanished. The thought of disciples brought images of Peter and Paul, Jesus, robes and sandals, fish and praying hands. The images were wonderful and embarrassing at the same time. Jesus was called from the depths of my heart, where I kept him buried. Still I said nothing.

The waitress swung by to check on us. Doug waved her off. I though about another beer, but realized I was out of money, as usual.

Polanski capped off the conversation with clarity: “Absolute truth is what you’re after."


"The Truth" is an excerpt from a writing project called Rock'n'Roll Salvation.